James "Jimmyco" Marcus

I was walking down 6th street in Austin, Texas, looking for a WordPress blog party where I had VIP access. Passing an upscale restaurant a doorman asked if I was looking for the Chevy Roadtrip party. I said “sure, am I late?” The doorman wasn’t sure. Once inside I was greeted by a chipper Chevy hostess who told me to enjoy cocktails at the bar. I ordered a gin and tonic because I wanted to get right to the business of the free drink. Beer is great but liquor gets you drunk quicker.

With a second drink now in my hand. I started to chat up some already chatty bloggers. Chevy had paid select bloggers to drive across the county in a new Chevy whilst blogging about it. I discovered that I was at a filming to document the last leg of the trip, the arrival. Advertising film crews took photos and video of everything.

Again, I thought I was late to the party. There was a ton of food and everyone must have already eaten, right? They had these awesome southwest egg rolls, mac-n-cheese balls and the like. A girl said “I didn’t know we could eat yet.” – I wasn’t late after-all.  People were not supposed to eat yet because the crew hadn’t filmed the food yet. I blamed a fictitious dude by telling people he told me to start eating.

My third drink from the bar was now in hand. A Chevy rep started talking to me. She wanted to know what team I was on. Time seemed to slow down, “team?”, I thought. “Green”, I said. The lady looked puzzled but I didn’t blink. She excused herself, I chugged my gin and tonic and got out before I was kicked out.

Here’s the video they were filming (yawn): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z94zEZZpXHY

This is Caillou, his life is animated and narrated like so – “Caillou and his friends were playing dinosaurs but started to play too loud.” It is very manipulative and full of behavioral control elements. “Caillou realized they were being loud and suggested they played outside.”

Caillou is bald, so he probably has some kind of creepy kid-cancer. My favorite episode is where he is molested by a giant who helped him wash a car. Oh yea, he is also Canadian.

Congrats Jesus freak, that 1,000th flyer you left on a random car in the Target parking lot was the one that made a difference. Just like a door-to-door salesmen, but with less guts, you’ve won.

I am a satirist, like David Sedaris. Notice how this tiny flyer doesn’t even have contact information, I will have to murder a random Jesus-fish toting stranger in response. Okay, enough joking around.

How would people feel if I placed “Jesus is not lord” on their cars? It wouldn’t be cool would it? I respect other people, even if I don’t agree with them, but it might be time to fight back.

Today I’ve placed an order for “Jesus is not lord” micro-flyers, each flyer contains a paragraph about respecting those who don’t “believe”. My flyers will be placed on the cars in the parking lot of each church who posts a flyer on my car (and leaves contact info, most have it).

These festive decorations are from the dollar store. I think they look like real people via forced perspective.

Doc Louis gives the worst advice. What a jerk. I’m trying to beat this game and my virtual trainer is pimping the Nintendo Fan Club. On a side note, doesn’t Doc look like Stanley Hudson from The Office?

Gaze deeply at the coolest grandma on earth as she has a pool. She isn’t my grandma as I stole this picture off the Internet.

If an elderly lady in my neighborhood mistook me for her grandchild, what would be the harm if I played along? Let’s say that maybe this old lady has a pool, if I should swim in it all summer pretending to be her kin, what would be the harm? I wouldn’t rob her or anything. If anyone knows such a lady, let me know.